life today seems to have unknown meaning, like my brain is trying to connect dots on a very large piece of paper, starting from the center...
things seem good. i'm healthy, my kids & parents & sibs are healthy.
yet, there was this feeling, now passed, that death had been around, peeking over my shoulder.
not something specific to me, but as if someone was watching with interest.
like when a deer feels the eyes of the hunter on it, and glances up, before spooking, i guess.
i think i posted about my issues with being 40-something.
how i was experiencing some things, extra-natural things, and have been seeing things for a few years.
maybe i related that c.g. jung wrote about something similar, during a schizoid period in his life.
lol, perhaps it's just some weird change in the chemical ocean my brain is swimming in?
i am a mastless ship, moving with currents in the air and water. without a destination or plan.
it seems right to be here, at this point, my rudder untended, whacking back and forth depending on some impetus.
oh, things are fine. i have a job. i'm coaching 2 soccer teams. i'm good.
really.
onto nothing. as a meaning, i guess. can a life know anything about what it should be?
i've thought i was waiting for something for so long, and nothing has happened.
which i guess is good, right?
cuz if something had happened, maybe my journey here would be done.
i'd have accomplished whatever it was that i set out to do.
and then, goal met, i would move on.
but, nothing.
so, i'm still here.
maybe for awhile...
:)
