ho hum, da new gig is fun.
sittin in my pod all day,
not much else to say,
longin for the mornin sun...
jk, it's good to be back on the job.
cool shtuff: the neighborhood project ,
but why is it only SF ???
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
fridays rock!
i'm at the coffeeshop, my last "free" weekday, as i start my new gig on monday. and a "Roar!" comes from the other end of the room, it's friday, and here at the coffeeshop:
FRIDAYS ROCK! lol.
i'm as shy as a shrimp, i'm as tough as a tiger, i'm as busy as a bee, i'm as lazy as a lizard,
i'm AS LOUD AS A LION! ROAR!
hehehe
it's a kids storytime club, and it's one of the best times of the week. it should have been on the top of my list about things i love about this coffeeshop, but i think i had just kinda forgot about it. all these kids ( and their moms ), singing the coolest songs for kids.
my kids are too old for this stuff now, but it brings back fond memories.
(and the moms are gorgeous, too, lol - yeah, it's a guilty pleasure and i'm enjoying it).
"3 billy goats gruff" is rocking us now, didn't realize it could rock so hard...
"Gobble You Up, YUM YUM..."
FRIDAYS ROCK! lol.
i'm as shy as a shrimp, i'm as tough as a tiger, i'm as busy as a bee, i'm as lazy as a lizard,
i'm AS LOUD AS A LION! ROAR!
hehehe
it's a kids storytime club, and it's one of the best times of the week. it should have been on the top of my list about things i love about this coffeeshop, but i think i had just kinda forgot about it. all these kids ( and their moms ), singing the coolest songs for kids.
my kids are too old for this stuff now, but it brings back fond memories.
(and the moms are gorgeous, too, lol - yeah, it's a guilty pleasure and i'm enjoying it).
"3 billy goats gruff" is rocking us now, didn't realize it could rock so hard...
"Gobble You Up, YUM YUM..."
Thursday, March 24, 2005
a little bit of desperation
worked out last nite at the gym, coffeeshop this morning, lunched at my messy apt, got my hair cut, back to the coffeeshop, reading blogs ( see the sidebar ), thinking about my life of quiet desperation and feeling a bit lonely...
but, there are things happening elsewhere, that i happen to be connected to:
- warblogs describing 'real-life' that i have never known, but feelings i share.
- a well-known actor describing the joys of coming home to his family at the end of the day, and i have known that joy as well.
- a professor describing her experience sitting "on the other side" of the audience, in a classroom, watching another professor struggle with his emotions at the podium. and i can relate to that too, the watching, and the struggling to maintain composure in front of others when your inner ocean is raging.
- a beautiful young lady talks about an ex, and betrayal, and punishment. and i've felt the force of karma, and been betrayed as well.
and, now i'm just thanking whatever gods watch over me, for today, and for those people. cuz maybe we do all live in quiet desperation, but we are all connected thru this. and remembering that, it doesn't seem quite so desperate.
when the girl served my tea, and we talked about her being pregnant, and starting cravings, and that she was glad she wasn't having "morning/afternoon/daylong sickness" anymore. i shared my pics of my twins, and how my ex would eat a bushel of green-apples with salt every week during her pregnancy. and i shared my favorite story about my twins, when my daughter would do all the talking, and my son would reply with his "okay" (wisdom of youth). and, they would unlock the frontdoor and toddle out to ride their pushbikes, diapers only, and i would follow, reading my book... perfect little yin and yang in motion.
simply, let me say that i wish you all well, thanks for sharing yourself with me. i pray for all of us, not in church of course, but when i get to the top of a hill i like to hike, and look at the sun, and say thanks.
just wanted to share a little back... it's a good day for it.
but, there are things happening elsewhere, that i happen to be connected to:
- warblogs describing 'real-life' that i have never known, but feelings i share.
- a well-known actor describing the joys of coming home to his family at the end of the day, and i have known that joy as well.
- a professor describing her experience sitting "on the other side" of the audience, in a classroom, watching another professor struggle with his emotions at the podium. and i can relate to that too, the watching, and the struggling to maintain composure in front of others when your inner ocean is raging.
- a beautiful young lady talks about an ex, and betrayal, and punishment. and i've felt the force of karma, and been betrayed as well.
and, now i'm just thanking whatever gods watch over me, for today, and for those people. cuz maybe we do all live in quiet desperation, but we are all connected thru this. and remembering that, it doesn't seem quite so desperate.
when the girl served my tea, and we talked about her being pregnant, and starting cravings, and that she was glad she wasn't having "morning/afternoon/daylong sickness" anymore. i shared my pics of my twins, and how my ex would eat a bushel of green-apples with salt every week during her pregnancy. and i shared my favorite story about my twins, when my daughter would do all the talking, and my son would reply with his "okay" (wisdom of youth). and, they would unlock the frontdoor and toddle out to ride their pushbikes, diapers only, and i would follow, reading my book... perfect little yin and yang in motion.
simply, let me say that i wish you all well, thanks for sharing yourself with me. i pray for all of us, not in church of course, but when i get to the top of a hill i like to hike, and look at the sun, and say thanks.
just wanted to share a little back... it's a good day for it.
forgotten but not lost
after i finished that yawner "Baudolino", i was looking for something else to read (becuz the current list consists of books i can only read a bit at a time. and, lo and behold! next to the couch, under some papers, are both "Lady Chatterley's Lover" and "The Ramayana". so, i read a little of each one last nite, and then stuck them back under the papers (save for later, hehe).
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
fish balls
okay, this is random, i was reading blogs,
and then, i searched for something, and then i clicked on this,
and somehow i ended up on fish balls.
i think the web is completely, totally, incredibly, effen amazing...
and then, i searched for something, and then i clicked on this,
and somehow i ended up on fish balls.
i think the web is completely, totally, incredibly, effen amazing...
dubya - what the heck?
okay, i'm pretty apolitical, but does dubya think he's fooling anyone?
i mean, what the heck? can anyone say "redirection"? (don't mention petroleum, the war, gas prices, the budget, or the arctic, sir).
my nose is smarting, from being led in so many directions.
i mean, what the heck? can anyone say "redirection"? (don't mention petroleum, the war, gas prices, the budget, or the arctic, sir).
my nose is smarting, from being led in so many directions.
can't put 'em down
okay, so i read alot. maybe too much?
and for some reason, when a book is not totally captivating me, i have to pick up another. ( i also absolutely love bookstores, but that's another story entirely ), and i can't just stop reading the first one, i have to finish it eventually, even if it sucks.
so, at the moment, i'm reading several books:
Baudolino, by Umberto Eco, Dragons of Eden by Carl Sagan, Hope is Not a Method by Gordon Sullivan, BioInformatics for Dummies, and I just finished VALIS by P.K.D. and Quicksilver by Neil Stephenson. (yes, i'm repeating myself, at the moment those are on my sidebar, i know).
so, my thoughts on each of these:
the book is just so empty, and rambling - it's almost as bad as "The Island of The Day Before".
what happened to the guy who wrote "Name of the Rose" and "Foucalt's Pendulum" ?
cuz this ain't him.
oh, even tho i'm reading all this stuff, not counting the five books i'm re-brushing-up-on for my new job (jsp,servlets,spring,struts,etc) - i still took my son to the bookstore after dinner, just to hang out, lol.
and for some reason, when a book is not totally captivating me, i have to pick up another. ( i also absolutely love bookstores, but that's another story entirely ), and i can't just stop reading the first one, i have to finish it eventually, even if it sucks.
so, at the moment, i'm reading several books:
Baudolino, by Umberto Eco, Dragons of Eden by Carl Sagan, Hope is Not a Method by Gordon Sullivan, BioInformatics for Dummies, and I just finished VALIS by P.K.D. and Quicksilver by Neil Stephenson. (yes, i'm repeating myself, at the moment those are on my sidebar, i know).
so, my thoughts on each of these:
- Baudolino - I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS THE SAME GUY who wrote Foucault's Pendulum (read the reviews, i'm not alone). I struggled thru his "Island..." too, and I just want to scream "NOT AGAIN!". Plus, I'm the kind of IDIOT who won't skip to the end, and won't quit reading a bad book, for some reason...
- Dragons of Eden - I like Carl Sagan, but, like in "Demon Haunted World", this is info-overload for me.
- Hope is Not a Method - books like this make me wish I was a leader, but I'm not, second-in-command maybe. :)
- BioInformatics for Dummies
- VALIS - I feel a strange bond with Phillip K. Dick, his interests, his exegesis, etc. (can't explain it)
- Quicksilver - i read this straight thru, no putting it down, stayed up too late some nights, picked it up in the morning, walked to the kitchen, fixed breakfast, etc. Can't wait for the second in the baroque series to come out in paperback.
the book is just so empty, and rambling - it's almost as bad as "The Island of The Day Before".
what happened to the guy who wrote "Name of the Rose" and "Foucalt's Pendulum" ?
cuz this ain't him.
oh, even tho i'm reading all this stuff, not counting the five books i'm re-brushing-up-on for my new job (jsp,servlets,spring,struts,etc) - i still took my son to the bookstore after dinner, just to hang out, lol.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
snarky
snarky - how effen cool is that word? (the link is fun, but totally unrelated). also from dictionary.com which i'm not sure is how i was thinking of it...
here are some blogs i've read this morning, and in the best "name-dropping" sense, i'd like to say that they suck tons less than mine:
wil wheaton is impressive, can i get on his bandwagon too?
bloggermann - who is this guy? lol. i enjoyed his writing, and viewpoint, but have never watched his show, sorry.
the cerebral outpost has a catchy name, and i really enjoyed the security story.
gwen stefani's blog was disappointing. for some reason i thought she would actually be interesting. (not that i am). maybe she doesn't write it? hmm...
forbe's has a list of best blogs, which i'm working my way thru...
dr. kaye trammell actually researches and did her doctoral dissertation on blogs - wowzers!
and finally robotwisdom.com. and i just don't know how to describe it... (there is a link to susiebright there, too).
oops! i failed to mention a very hot spot, which i've been reading every day: A View from a Broad. (oh, and jenn, you are on the sidebar and the effen link is to you as well... ;)
here are some blogs i've read this morning, and in the best "name-dropping" sense, i'd like to say that they suck tons less than mine:
wil wheaton is impressive, can i get on his bandwagon too?
bloggermann - who is this guy? lol. i enjoyed his writing, and viewpoint, but have never watched his show, sorry.
the cerebral outpost has a catchy name, and i really enjoyed the security story.
gwen stefani's blog was disappointing. for some reason i thought she would actually be interesting. (not that i am). maybe she doesn't write it? hmm...
forbe's has a list of best blogs, which i'm working my way thru...
dr. kaye trammell actually researches and did her doctoral dissertation on blogs - wowzers!
and finally robotwisdom.com. and i just don't know how to describe it... (there is a link to susiebright there, too).
oops! i failed to mention a very hot spot, which i've been reading every day: A View from a Broad. (oh, and jenn, you are on the sidebar and the effen link is to you as well... ;)
market street
things i love about this coffee house:
- in my neighborhood, and i can walk to it.
- free wifi.
- kosher.
- artwork on the walls, all from unknown artists, is for sale.
- comfy couches and chairs, in a cozy arrangement.
- most of the employees are in indy bands.
- down the stripmall is a spin-center.
- beauties walk in, hang out, and mix with all the geeks with our laptops.
- in my neighborhood, and i can walk to it.
- free wifi.
- kosher.
- artwork on the walls, all from unknown artists, is for sale.
- comfy couches and chairs, in a cozy arrangement.
- most of the employees are in indy bands.
- down the stripmall is a spin-center.
- beauties walk in, hang out, and mix with all the geeks with our laptops.
Monday, March 21, 2005
introspection
i seem to be gnawing away at this again, and again, and again...
so, here it goes, todays version of what i think about me :
- first born son, no brothers, two sisters ( hi ! )
- alcoholic inheritance (not manifest)
- lack of trust, exhibits slight paranoia
- seeks approval, yet resents authority (father issues)
- critical of others, caretaker, fixer (codep)
- yelling, unfair in confrontation, cowardice (weak will)
- talented, even artistic, but lazy
- good health
- likes to solve problems and/or find solutions
- likes to be physical, hands-on
- a good thinker and a mediocre philospher
- great capacity for love & compassion, yet hides a darker, cruel side
- loving father
- boring husband (could be why i'm not one now ;)
things that i've done (or am doing) :
art.biology.technology
reader.writer.athlete
father.son.brother
friend.husband.ex
dreamer.whiner.slacker
so, here it goes, todays version of what i think about me :
- first born son, no brothers, two sisters ( hi ! )
- alcoholic inheritance (not manifest)
- lack of trust, exhibits slight paranoia
- seeks approval, yet resents authority (father issues)
- critical of others, caretaker, fixer (codep)
- yelling, unfair in confrontation, cowardice (weak will)
- talented, even artistic, but lazy
- good health
- likes to solve problems and/or find solutions
- likes to be physical, hands-on
- a good thinker and a mediocre philospher
- great capacity for love & compassion, yet hides a darker, cruel side
- loving father
- boring husband (could be why i'm not one now ;)
things that i've done (or am doing) :
art.biology.technology
reader.writer.athlete
father.son.brother
friend.husband.ex
dreamer.whiner.slacker
cell memory
Okay, I've just finished reading P.K.D.s VALIS, and it spurred some thoughts.
First, it seems completely unproductive to think about "what we are" and "where we come from".
Fun, but still, maybe I'm just feeling overly cynical.
Earth - a cell.
If we consider the Gaea theory ( i think that's what it's called ), and view our planet as a living entity, a cell if-you-will. And all "life" on the planet as some type of "organelle" or part of one, with species serving some common purpose or whatever. What does that make us? Homo Sapiens.
Perhaps our original purpose, as a species-organelle, was/is some type of memory structure, a coil or helix of memory structure. And by simply breeding we continue the "race-conciousness" which serves as Gaea's memory banks (akashic blah-blah). Mutations and inbreeding create faulty "hardware/wetware" and are eventually removed from the system by not ultimately contributing to the gene pool. Dreams are effectively memory tests, reviews, and/or backups (contributing to the overall system memory after review). Not sure my analogy is clean here.
Now, the problem is, we have developed a cancer (some might say we are the cancer). Some of us have started destroying our own cellular entity (Gaea). Maybe that is the "original sin", developing the knowledge of right and wrong (choice) has caused our dysfunction?
And now that the cancer is present, the entity will inevitably die from it. Cancer may go into remission, but unless the cause is excised, it will inevitably come back. blahblahblah.
First, it seems completely unproductive to think about "what we are" and "where we come from".
Fun, but still, maybe I'm just feeling overly cynical.
Earth - a cell.
If we consider the Gaea theory ( i think that's what it's called ), and view our planet as a living entity, a cell if-you-will. And all "life" on the planet as some type of "organelle" or part of one, with species serving some common purpose or whatever. What does that make us? Homo Sapiens.
Perhaps our original purpose, as a species-organelle, was/is some type of memory structure, a coil or helix of memory structure. And by simply breeding we continue the "race-conciousness" which serves as Gaea's memory banks (akashic blah-blah). Mutations and inbreeding create faulty "hardware/wetware" and are eventually removed from the system by not ultimately contributing to the gene pool. Dreams are effectively memory tests, reviews, and/or backups (contributing to the overall system memory after review). Not sure my analogy is clean here.
Now, the problem is, we have developed a cancer (some might say we are the cancer). Some of us have started destroying our own cellular entity (Gaea). Maybe that is the "original sin", developing the knowledge of right and wrong (choice) has caused our dysfunction?
And now that the cancer is present, the entity will inevitably die from it. Cancer may go into remission, but unless the cause is excised, it will inevitably come back. blahblahblah.
fad du jour
I am also reading "Hope is Not a Method", a book my dad lent me when I lost my job. There is a statement "an indicator of managerial panic is the consumption rate and shelf life of business fads" (Pascale, R), and Sullivan relates that to books as well: "if the growth of business-book publishing is a similar mirror, we are surely bordering on epidemic panic today as industrial age models increasingly fail to measure up to the needs of the new century".
And I was thinking about that, as I was wandering around a bookstore recently. Not only in the business book section, but in the programming book section, and in the spirituality section, not to mention the self-help section, there is just a huge number of fad-books...
And I was thinking about that, as I was wandering around a bookstore recently. Not only in the business book section, but in the programming book section, and in the spirituality section, not to mention the self-help section, there is just a huge number of fad-books...
Sunday, March 20, 2005
sunday sun
is it just me or is the sun significantly brighter on sundays? lol.
for some people it may be the toll of friday and saturday nights,
but i didn't drink last nite, and it's killing my eyes today...
for some people it may be the toll of friday and saturday nights,
but i didn't drink last nite, and it's killing my eyes today...
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
transitions end
so, i got a new contract... transitions end.
i was thinking about doing some writing on "searching for new meaning in the new technical marketplace" or some shite, but now it's kinda moot. not completely, but since i'm all set up for another job, just like the others, it is what it is.
so, my organization was going to be a bit like this:
i. introduction - dotcoms, dotbombs, and 911.
- dotcom: an exciting idea funded by someone elses money.
- dotbomb: exciting idea that failed miserably (analyze later).
- 911: the advent of fear, just recovering.
ii. backgrounder - losing stuff (job, marriage, meaning)
- all three happened to me, not necessarily in that order.
iii. status - sitting in a coffee shop, day after day
- waking up
iv. plan: - finding new meaning, finding success, finding (something)
- self-criticism, self-discovery, self-healing
v. conclusion - body, mind, soul ( or: fire.water.wood.earth.air )
( or: the 5 things: my version of magic 7 +/- 2; cuz i can only deal with five, lol ).
thought about exploring the ideas or trends that have defined my life so far...
things like: art, biology, computers ...OR... body, mind, soul ...OR...
* there must be some common yearning here; the infamous midlife crisis or whatever.
is it most men or most people that actually encounter this? wish i knew the stats on that.
it's this soul-searching thing: what have i accomplished? what will i leave behind? i don't particularly want to spend much time on introspection, i'd rather just start doing something...
and then either redo it, or undo it, or enjoy it, lol.
random thoughts about place:
- silicon valley: software & computers
- new york: finance & fashion
- washington d.c: government & politics
- las vegas: gambling & prostitution
- phoenix: dirt & heat (lol)
- ? : energy : ?
personality profile: romantic:dreamer:artist:philosopher:rebel
but; apolitical, areligious, and apathetic (without a path)
i was thinking about doing some writing on "searching for new meaning in the new technical marketplace" or some shite, but now it's kinda moot. not completely, but since i'm all set up for another job, just like the others, it is what it is.
so, my organization was going to be a bit like this:
i. introduction - dotcoms, dotbombs, and 911.
- dotcom: an exciting idea funded by someone elses money.
- dotbomb: exciting idea that failed miserably (analyze later).
- 911: the advent of fear, just recovering.
ii. backgrounder - losing stuff (job, marriage, meaning)
- all three happened to me, not necessarily in that order.
iii. status - sitting in a coffee shop, day after day
- waking up
iv. plan: - finding new meaning, finding success, finding (something)
- self-criticism, self-discovery, self-healing
v. conclusion - body, mind, soul ( or: fire.water.wood.earth.air )
( or: the 5 things: my version of magic 7 +/- 2; cuz i can only deal with five, lol ).
thought about exploring the ideas or trends that have defined my life so far...
things like: art, biology, computers ...OR... body, mind, soul ...OR...
* there must be some common yearning here; the infamous midlife crisis or whatever.
is it most men or most people that actually encounter this? wish i knew the stats on that.
it's this soul-searching thing: what have i accomplished? what will i leave behind? i don't particularly want to spend much time on introspection, i'd rather just start doing something...
and then either redo it, or undo it, or enjoy it, lol.
random thoughts about place:
- silicon valley: software & computers
- new york: finance & fashion
- washington d.c: government & politics
- las vegas: gambling & prostitution
- phoenix: dirt & heat (lol)
- ? : energy : ?
personality profile: romantic:dreamer:artist:philosopher:rebel
but; apolitical, areligious, and apathetic (without a path)
too much time in coffee shops
i don't know if the title is true or not.
i've been in this place almost every day, since I lost my job on the 1st.
One of the "career-change" guides suggested getting out of the house by 8am every day, as if you were going to work, and this place is close, convenient, and cozy. lol.
another benefit, for the sake of my sanity, is that I get to see a bunch of people I know from the neighborhood every day. Chat a bit, eat a bit, surf the net a bit...
all in all, a good morning starts here every day... or vice-versa.
i've been in this place almost every day, since I lost my job on the 1st.
One of the "career-change" guides suggested getting out of the house by 8am every day, as if you were going to work, and this place is close, convenient, and cozy. lol.
another benefit, for the sake of my sanity, is that I get to see a bunch of people I know from the neighborhood every day. Chat a bit, eat a bit, surf the net a bit...
all in all, a good morning starts here every day... or vice-versa.
