day 18

doing a little "greasing the groove" this morning, since i'm on vacation...

Reverse Plank - 3 x 30s
Frogstand - 3 x 30s

right hand, 3 outside fingertips have gone a little numb and tingly.

Chinups ( on the bar ) - 3 x 3r
Box Pushups ( feet on the sink ) - 3 x 3r


didn't do much else in the afternoon, actually just...


Alternating Lunges w/ 25lb KBs - 3 x 10r

day 17

Rings Upright Support - 3 x 30s

Ring Rows - 3 x 5r

Ring Dips - 3 x 7r

day 16

yesterday was an unintentional restday, i was intending to workout, but things got in the way.  received a nice visit and gift from a friend. and my little brown dog leona had another seizure, which lasted almost 2 hours. i sat and held and petted her during it, while my son and his girlfriend kept me company. we also watched a movie.

not really motivated today, so just screwing around on the rings a bit...

Rings Upright Support - 3 x 30s

Ring Rows ( feet on the ground ) - 5 x 5r

Ring Dips ( feet on ball ) - 5 x 5r


* thinking too much these past few days, and it's got me grumpy. not depressed, per se, but i can relate to those who get depressed during the holiday season. i don't particularly want to face up to familial and friendly obligations right now. feel like it would be a good thing to be in my truck driving somewhere else...

yes, she's on my mind again, wish it wasn't like this, feel like an idiot. it is an ongoing thorn in my mind, that when i see something interesting, or amusing, or artistic, that my mind immediately jumps to sharing it with her. then i mentally smack myself and pace thru the coping talk: let it go, it's been long enuff, quit dwelling, i'm fine, too old for this, etc.

/sigh

day 15

Rings Upright Support - 5 x 10s
Rings Front Tuck Hang - 5 x 10s
Rings Back Tuck Hang - 5 x 10s

( the following i used a stepstool for my feet )
Ring Chinups - 5 x 5r
Ring Dips 5 x 5r
Ring Pushups 5 x 7r

Handstand ( belly to wall ) - 20s, 20s, 20s

 - - -

there is a cold north wind blowing tonite, a december wind...
seems like i've looked up at the night sky many times in the past,
with this winter wind caressing my face, making me shiver.

always seems to be bringing change with it.

day 14

supposed to be a "rest" day, but i felt like doing something...

Jumprope - 3 x 150r

Rings Upright Support - 3 x 30s

Band Expanders - 5 x 7reps

day 13

gonna try a few "fundamental" strength exercises,
to work on some of the supporting musculature...

1 pull, 1 push, and 1 core, sounds like a good session today.

Ring Rows 5 x 5

Ring Archer PU 5 x 10 alternating

L-sit on parallelettes 3 x 20s

day 12

trying a few different things, since i'm still a little sore from d11...

Jumprope 3 x 200r

Rings US 3 x 30s

Frogstand 15s, 25s, 35s  ( took a little practice to balance )

HeSPU progression - feet on the sink, torso over shoulders 3 x 5r
( tried the last set on parallelettes - aaaagggkkk!  not yet, ow, lol )

Rings Partial MU Tx - 3 x 5r
( 5 falsegrip chins, then 5 MU transition negatives, with heels on ground )

day 11

Jumprope - 3 x 200r

HS ( belly to wall ) -  35s, 35s, 35s, 30s, 30s

Ring US - 3 x 30s 
Ring BH - 3 x 15s 
Ring GH - 3 x 20s

( using an exercise ball support my feet today )
Ring CUs - 5 x 5reps ( failed at 3 on 5th set )
Ring Dips - 5 x 5reps
Ring PUs - 5 x 10reps ( used the stool, ball kept rolling away, ow )

day 10

Jumping Rope 3 sets of 150 ( about a minute & 1/2 each )

HS ( back to wall ) - 50s, 45s, 37s, 40s, 40s

AltLunges - 3 x 10reps ( 5 each leg ) - holding 25lb KB each hand

DL - 3 x 5reps ( embarrassingly light )

Rings WU x 3 rounds
a. static support x 30sec
b. static BH x 15sec
c. static GH x 15sec

day 9

- it's raining today, so no jumping rope ( ceilings are too low )

HS ( belly to wall ) - 50s, 40s, 35s, 30s, 25s 

Ring US - 3 x 30s 
Ring BH - 3 x 15s 
Ring GH - 3 x 20s

(all the following i use a stepstool to support my feet)
Ring CUs - 5 x 3reps
Ring Dips - 5 x 3reps
Ring PUs - 5 x 7reps

day 8

skipped today, had to get ready for a holiday party...

day 7

yesterday was a rest day, but i did some HeS RLL - 3x5
( headstand reverse leg lifts ) 

today:

WU:
a. Jumping Rope 3 sets of 100 ( maybe a minute each? )
b. static support 3 x 30sec
c. HS - belly to wall - 35sec, 25sec, 30sec ( kinda weak after ring support )
d. static BH 3 x 15sec
e. static GH 3 x 15sec

Ring CU (chinups) 3 sets of 5 ( feet on 15" step )

Ring Dips 3 sets of 5 ( feet on 15" step )

Ring PU (pushups) 3 sets of 7 ( feet up )

day 6

WU x 3 rounds
a. static support x 30sec
b. static GH x 10sec
c. static hanging Lsit x 10sec

Jumping Rope 3 sets of 100 ( about a minute each )

HS ( back to wall ) - 3 sets of 45secs

didn't get to lunges or deads tonite :(

day 5

okay, back to the beginning...
technically i guess it's day 7?  but only my 5th working day.

here is what i started on:

day 5 workout:

WU x 3 rounds
a. static support x 30sec
b. static GH x 10sec
c. static hanging Lsit x 10sec
( moved backward in the progressions, to german hang & l-sits, still hard ) 

Jumping Rope 3 sets of 100 ( maybe a minute each? )

Ring CU (chinups) 3 sets of 5  ( feet on 15" step )

Ring Dips 3 sets of 5 ( feet on 15" step )

Ring PU (pushups) 3 sets of 5 ( feet supported parallel ) 

Handstands 3 sets of 30secs ( belly to wall )

don't feel any stronger yet, lol.
:)

day 4

WU x 3
a. static hold x 30sec
b. static cheat BL x 30sec
c. static cheat FL x 30sec

AL - 5 x 10 ( 5 on each leg )

- 25lb KB in each hand

HS - 3 x 45secs ( back to wall )

day 3

yesterday was a rest day, altho i did some HeS legraises - 3x3
talk about a beeyatch!  ow ow ow x 3

day 3 workout:

WU x 3 rounds
a. static support x 30sec
b. static cheating BL x 30sec
c. static cheating FL x 30sec
( cheating means my feet are on the ground, lol )

Ring CU 3 sets of 5  ( feet on 10" box )

Ring Dips 3 sets of 5 ( feet on 15" step )

bent arm support on rings 3 x 15-20 secs
( more ow ow ow )

HS (belly against the wall) 3 x 30secs

day 2

so, yesterday was day 2 of my new program...

really had fun with it, although i got distracted by Skyrim, after my 1st set of lunges.

Doh!

anyways, here was the workout:

WUx3rounds
a. static hold x 30sec
b. static tuck BL x 30sec (cheating w feet on ground)
c. static tuck FL x 30sec (cheating)

HS - 3x30secs (back to wall)

DL - 5x5 - all weight (all i have, and it's still light)

AL - 1x10 ( should have done 3x10 )

- used 25lb KB in each hand

Rings

got my rings in the mail yesterday, set them up and goofed off a little...

JEEBUZZ!  just trying to support is so hard i was shaking!

:)

my basic 4-day-a-week plan: (still need to figure out sets/reps):

WU:

a. static hold x 30sec

b. static tuck BL x 30sec

c. static tuck FL x 30sec

day 1:

- WU

- chinups

- dips

- handstands

day 2:

- WU

- DL

- lunges

- HS

skipday...

day 3:

- WU

- CU

- dips

- HS

day 4:

- WU

- DL

- lunges

- HS

weekend...

bullseye!

this article hits the bullseye!

i wish every HR dweeb in the nation would read it...

 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204422404576596630897409182.html

 

google+me!

i read an article the other day about Google+,

that basically said it "could" take the place of

all the other mediums of online communication.

email, chat, blog, and f*$%book - all replaced.

now, i don't know that this is true,

but, that would be a good thing right?

i mean, for those of us who spend some

significant amount of time doing those things.

so, give it a try...

i am.

google+me!

;)

seemingly disjointed nonsense

just thinking...

 

life in America today is a bit surreal.

we are slowly walking into a barren valley, which we can't see the other side of.

as we look around, we see many others walking, some fall, and some stop to help the fallen.

but most just keep walking, thinking that they have to keep going, to keep moving.

and not quite knowing why...

 

can anyone see the carrot?  can they feel the stick?

are our leaders prolonging the sickness, so they can maintain their position?

if it's a game, what are the rules again?

they seem to keep changing...

 

bondage > truth > courage > liberty > abundance > greed > complacency > apathy > dependance > bondage

where are we now?

 

what do you use to hide your unhappiness?

music? tv? drugs? alcohol? sex? games? work?

 

what do you do to make this world, or your community, healthier?

what would you do?

what can you do?

 

what was the fate of the commoner in every other resolution thru-out history?

think.

 

Tytler

 

favorite quotes

my fav quotes...

"life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. it is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition." 
- Florida Scott-Maxwell

"the cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea."
- Isak Dinesen

"there is always some madness in love.,
but there is also always some reason in madness."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right."
- Henry Ford

"most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." 
- Abraham Lincoln

"it always works out in the end.  if it's not working out, it's not the end."
- Anonymous

Notes

so, i'm cleaning up my FB, in anticipation of other things...

here's my notes:

- - - - -
this life - fri, may 27th, 2011


this life i'm living,
i wonder if it's for me?
when i was younger,
i was living for my family.

when i thought i'd grown up,
i married a beautiful lady,
and we raised wonderful kids,
and again, it was for my family.

now the kids are grown,
and the wife and i split up,
lovers i've had, and left, and lost,
and i wonder... have i yet grown up?

will i lose my fear and excuses someday?
and wander out into the cold night air,
looking up at the stars and wondering,
is this all that there ever was for me here?

- - - - -
cleaning up - wed, jan 19th, 2011


she entered my life,
and her smile and words played a tune in my head.
slowly my heart began to beat to the music...

and a fire was lit.
with every touch and every shared breath,
that fire soared, burning when we touched...

and then she left,
and the tune kept playing,
and that fire kept burning and burning...

it's just me again,
and i have a mess to clean up,
fire blackened rooms and broken strings.

- - - - - 
neil gaiman quote - nov 16th, 2010

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain..."

~ Neil Gaiman
( author of The Sandman comic )

- - - - - 

lucky - sept 20th, 2010

call me lucky.

i have people in my life who love me.
and i've loved many of those who passed thru.
friends, and lovers, and those who turned out to be neither.
and i've been lucky enough to be "in-love" a few times.
even though that kinda thing seems to fade with time.
each time i got a little hurt when it ended,
but i didn't want that to stop.
cuz the hurting was good.
in it's own way.

and luckiest of all, i connected with someone, recently, body-mind-heart-&-soul.
she connects to me in all the ways that i think are important between two people.
and that seems like a rare treasure to me...

call me lucky.

- - - - - 
clear - nov 3rd, 2009

one thing is clear to me, that a morality which produces guilt, self-torture, and shame, which results in anxiety and weakness, which shortens and belittles life, cannot be the answer...
- tarl of bristol
(actually from a book character)

- - - - -
~t

i dreamt of surfing

i dreamt of surfing this morning.

 

a huge wave took me away from where i started,

going along the shore, rather than to it.

i passed alot of other people, who seemed to be still.

 

suddenly i found myself facing backward, looking where i'd come from.

then, the wave threw me up really far onto a new shore.

i picked up my board, confused, and walked over to a desk

where there were some "instructors" talking.

 

i asked them where i could buy some jeans to wear,

and how far i was from "kua" where i'd started,

and they just laughed. 

 

they said i was still on the same island, just at "kuala"?

and really far away, and that i could catch a bus back.

last thing i remember was walking back to the ocean...

 

good dream!

:)

Soulmate

this idea of a Soulmate has to end.

nobody else can hold up your world but you.

and no one is going to fix all your problems, or heal all your wounds.

 

there is just way too much emphasis on the "magic" happening.

magic is an illusion, relationships take work, period.

 

i'm not against the idea that we can create a soulmate.

it just means that each of us can work on our relationships,

making them stronger, and more fun, and successful.

but it takes hard work.

 

i'm also not against the idea that you can create soulmates in most relationships.

we just have to be happy and strong, and meet other happy, strong, loving people,

and choose to build a great friendship, relationship, marriage, or whatever.

 

and i could be totally wrong, of course.

maybe it is soul energy?

or maybe it's just basic chemistry?

;)

 

diet

well, i felt i was pretty successful following the slow-carb diet,
lost 20 lbs and gained some muscle.

and now, i'm re-introducing some carbs back into what i eat.

a couple of things that started bugging me on the slow-carb, were my joints and circulation, which could be coincidental of course, but my joints started hurting, and my pinky fingers and toes get numb.

so, i have been having oatmeal for breakfast this week,

and i mixed brown rice in with my blackbeans and brocolli last night.

not sure how this experiment will bloom, but there you go.

this is somewhat in response to seeing the movie ForksOverKnives this weekend.

not that i want to cut animal products totally out,
but leaning a bit more "plant-strong".

i'm still at about 197 lbs, and feeling pretty muscular and lean.

( not huge and cut, lol, just in good overall shape )

just...wow.

47 today. 
seems...just...wow.

Old Notebook

found an old notebook when i was looking for something to take notes on, for the soccer board meeting the other night.  it was from 1999, which seems like a very long time ago, but isn't.

the notebook was for a class i was taking: "Your Hearts Desire".
which, as i remember it, was a very fun class for me at the time.
( i was newly separated at the time, the first one )

so, basically, nothing has changed!

i am still searching for whatever it is i would have passion for.
still looking for the lady who will love me as much as i love her.
and still trying to get back into doing something artistic.

not sure how i feel about that.
this i will ponder and perhaps dream upon...
:-/

2nd petscan = all clear

Dr. called friday, results from my 2nd petscan are all clear.
yay!

unreadable

that other format sucked! 

 sorry...

/facepalm

and this one is just ... so ... vanilla.
:P

obligatory cheezball pics

okay, i've been kinda following the four hour body book
for eating and working out. and, i've seen some success :)

here are a few obligatory cheezball pics, showing my progress...

ready? put on those safety goggles!


before:

that's me sometime in nov. of 2010, at about 220 lbs.


and after:

me at 195 lbs.


and i think i'm gonna try putting on a little muscle now...
:)))


boooyaaaa!
jk ;)

thoughts

i wasn't really thinking about blogging today. but i was thinking about this past weekend, and some of the things that happened. nothing that i would call an epiphany, but definitely insights into how i've been feeling.

you know, the whole "my heart is broken" thing :)

it's not that i'm past it, and i'll probly have a few drunken nights wallowing in it again. ( like 2 weeks ago last friday, lol )

but, i think i'm having some clarity, and alot of acceptance now.
not that it is important to anyone but me.

friday and saturday were desperately lonely for me.

and before i met her, i wasn't what i would call lonely.

alone yes, but i had settled into a routine, with my kids, and other stuff of my life. i was a bit cluttered, and my abode reflected that, and still does. but the first 2 days of the weekend, i was seeking someone to distract me from my loneliness, and i texted and called quite a few people.

and nobody, absolutely nobody, was available. few even answered.

it was like my phone and email were blocked. lol, dang universe.

so, after those 2 days, i kinda looked at myself, and thought "that's enough".

time to accept what the universe was showing me, once again.

"be comfortably alone, and know that you are not truly alone"

loneliness is thinking you are missing something, that you have an empty spot inside.

some people fill that with "stuff", drugs, religion, sex, whatever... but, i haven't. well, occasionally, but not too often, and it's not my "pattern". ( don't get me wrong, i DO obsess. my monkeymind goes bananas pretty often )

sunday was fantastic, got to play futsal with friends from the soccer club.

gave my old sambas to a kid, so he'd have "soccer shoes" for next week.

then us oldmen went to the mancave and had a couple beers.

then, since it was my "cheat day", i went and had blueberry pancakes.

( and continued cheating most of the rest of the day )

end result: not healed, but healing...

and i think my head's back in the "right" place for me.

i can accept that she doesn't want me in her life, and i can still love her.

and i know that whatever the universe has planned for me, is a good thing.

cuz i've always believed that things happen for a reason.

other women will match my "shortlist", and fate will place our feet to meet.

intelligent, well-read, athletic, spiritual not religious, and truthful.

likes movies and a great BLT, lol.

and i started "decluttering", which was my new goal, 5 minutes a day!

:)

MoveOn dot org petition

here is an interesting link:

 

"Corporations aren't people, and shouldn't be able to corrupt our democracy.

We need as many state legislatures as possible to get behind the call for

a constitutional amendment to reverse the Citizens United ruling."

 

courtesy of george at urbansurvival dot com... ;)

 

fire and music: cleaning up...

she entered my life,
and her smile and words played a tune in my head.
slowly my heart began to beat to the music...

and a fire was lit.
with every touch and every shared breath,
that fire soared, burning when we touched...

and then she left,
and the tune kept playing,
and that fire kept burning and burning...

it's just me again,
and i have a mess to clean up,
fire blackened rooms and broken strings.

happy new year

goodbye 2010, hello 2011.

3 stubborn things

update on my 3 stubborn things...

a. still dealing with my emotional turmoil, but i'm not physically aching anymore.  ( been working out, playing vball & futsal, biking, etc - lost weight too, not that i'm happy about it, but the kids say i look good )

b. after telling my thoughts about the oncologists to my ENT surgeon, he agreed with me.  ( and we have a plan i like )

c. after coming back from the trip, my wonderful child and i traded good-natured texts back & forth, many ending with "jeezus loves you!"  ( and she has alot of funny stories about jeezus-camp too, lol )

and that's about it...

on vacation til the end of the year, and all my shopping is done, wooo!

oh, and happy festivus!
;)

a good thought...

"Your enemy can not harm you as much as your own, unguarded thoughts"
~ Buddhist saying (made famous by the Samurai)

 

stubborn

apparently i'm stubborn. 

 

not exactly a surprise, but it's causing some definite issues in my life right now.

 

one: i am having trouble letting go of a relationship that has ended.

two: i think i know more than the oncologist about what's best for me.

three: i refused to pay for a trip to a religious camp for one of my kids (who went anyway).

 

just three examples...

but i still feel i'm right.  in all three of those cases.

doesn't mean that i am actually right, just how i feel about it.

maybe i need a new distraction?  /shrug

 

 

prepare for a drastic change in the world...

store away some food, and ammo, and maybe some booze.

life will continue to be interesting.

 

oh, and peace out !

:)

 

George pointed to Tyler, Tyler pointed to:

George pointed to Tyler, Tyler pointed to:

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/knight-research-stunning-call-game-over

 

interesting read...

:-/

HPV

 

Had a good visit with my surgeon, this morning...

This was the normal post-op visit, but we also discussed the Oncologist i went to.

 

Basically, he said it was my choice on how I wanted to pursue treatment or not.

He reiterated that he got all of the cancer out of my neck.  But it wasn't benign.

And that since the Petscan showed no other signs of cancer, I was clear, for now.

 

He said we would have monthly visits, and petscans every 6 months, and we'd watch.

Which sounds like a good plan to me.  Cuz the chemo and radiation are nasty.

 

We also discussed the possibility that mine was an HPV+ OPC (oropharyngeal cancer),

and there was discussion in his medical community about HPV being epidemic right now.

( he was going to check into a retest of the biopsy to determine if it was )

Treatment for HPV+ cancer is somewhat different than traditional treatment,

but it is still evolving, as it is a new development.

 

ps. if you're bored, wikipedia has some good stuff on all of this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HPV-positive_oropharyngeal_cancer

 

Quantum blahblahblah

 

Quantum Mind-Body Problem

 

somehow, this peaks my interest:

"Pauli accepted the term, and described quantum mechanics as lucid mysticism.^[1]"

 

- and makes me immediately think about synchronicity, both personal and between persons...

 

simply the idea of waveform collapse, which i would choose different jargon for, validates conciousness, right?

that an observing conciousness, causes the everywhereness of the universe to respond, and come into focus for the observer.

/shrug

 

does this also bring the universe into focus, thru intent?

focused concentration, causes the universal soup to coalesce, allowing intent to manifest reality?

 

 

i like the idea that all those quantum scientists, saw value in mysticism...

 

strange thoughts...

;)

 

frustrated...

went to an Oncologist yesterday for a consultation...

kinda depressing information which was also frustrating to hear.

 

basically, they want me to start some type of treatment, even tho the petscan showed clear.

something about sub-microscopic cancer cells, which they want to prevent spreading.

i'm going to start researching it.

 

the things i found so frustrating, were that when i asked about alternative treatment,

they said my options were: radiation, chemo, or more surgery.

and when i asked about the clear petscan, she talked about sub-microscopic, undetectable stuff.

also, when i asked about how i don't fit into any "lifestyle" that promotes cancer, she had no answer.

( i'm a non-smoker, light-drinker, not-overweight, daily exerciser, no-family-history, etc )

 

so, i'm a bit frustrated if not down-right angry after speaking with them...

 

anyways, that's the news

:)

 

Passing Time...

And, November 5th, 2010, 3:30pm passes by with a small sigh of relief...

-_-

 

Prof. Kotlikoff says

14-fold higher?!?!?!?!?  wut wut WUT???

 

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/commentary/neil-reynolds/the-scary-actual-us-government-debt/article1773879/

 

night of the living fed, haha!

"Capitalism has been manipulated far more, and more dangerously, by the last two Republican-appointed Fed bosses than everything else added together," Grantham added. "It is naive, if fashionable, to blame the rather current lame Administration for all of our problems. They inherited a cake already baked, or better, 'half-baked,' and the master bakers were the current and former Fed bosses."

 

from this interestingly titled article:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/fed-zombies-hungry-for-quantitative-easing-2010-10-26

;)

 

clinging to the shore

well, life takes interesting twists and turns, much like a river...

 

there are people we connect with, seems like instantly,

and sometimes we have the pleasure of spending significant time with them.

they become part of us, and hopefully we become part of them.

and like all things, this too passes.

 

the parting hurts a bit, sometimes a bit more than we like.

but i suppose it depends on our attitude, if we accept that all things end,

and if we don't struggle and fight against the current, it can be easier.

 

but, i don't think it's in our nature to peacefully let go.

we cling, we struggle, we kick and fight and scream.

just our nature, or maybe my nature ;)

 

eventually, we let go, or are carried off, and the river sweeps us on down it's path.

and if we are lucky, we bump into the shore again, and get to spend some time.

i haven't quite got to the space where i completely trust the river.

 

but i'm working on it.

;)

 

some quotes from the buddha

started looking for good quotes on love, and this played on my heartstrings:

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long
companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of
spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it
will not be created for years or even generations."
~ Kahlil Gibran

- - -

then i started looking for quotes from the buddha, and these made me smile:

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."

"Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity."

"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it."

"What we think, we become."

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky"

. . .

peace...
-_-

PETscan results

picked up my results today, without getting into the medical language, it looks like i'm all clear.

probly should wait to hear from my doctor, but seems like good news.

:)

 

PETscan

just got to work after my petscan, this morning...

and i am Starving!  lol.

 

Positron Emission Tomography (PET)

 

basically, they told me to eat a hi protein, lo carb "last" meal. 

( i had steak, salmon, and broccoli at lonestar )

and then fast this morning.  i thought they said not to drink any water, so i didn't.

but they gave me some when i got there this morning, as i guess it's ok.

 

so, i show up early, read until the appt time, sign in, and was treated very well by the staff at Az Molecular.

David was very nice, and explained how everything would go, then he took some blood for a sugartest.

and after that he injected me with some radioactive sugar...

( apparently cancer cells love that shit )

 

then, i had to "rest" for an hour, while the sugar uptake process occurred thru-out my body.

not being allowed to read my book was a bit difficult, as i was supposed to try to be very quiet and still.

reading apparently works out our facial muscles, and that might skew the sugar uptake.  ( who knew? )

 

so, after I was told to pee ( gotta be empty ), changed into some scrubpants, and a few more minutes of rest,

David came and took me to the scanning room.  I had him put KUPD on the radio, WWBD was on, but i dint pay much attention.

then I mounted the very narrow table, and David strapped my arms to my sides, and threw a nice warm blanket over me.

he also put some spacers around my head, so i wouldn't move too much, then he said "cya in a bit", and left.

 

The machine is quietly humming.  The radio is playing, but I'm not listening.  I'm quieting my body and my mind.

I'm not claustrophobic actually, until someone straps me to a table under a big humming machine, then i am.

Just a little bit...

;)

 

So, twenty minutes later, after a lot of sliding back and forth, and trying not to move or itch, I was free again.

It's a funny thing, when you know it's done, and it's soooo quiet, and you know someone is coming soon.

"don't forget me!"  "hurry!"  "gaaaah!  untie me arms!"  all ran thru my head... lol.

but, David didn't forget, and his smile looked like he read my mind, and he got me off the table quick-like.

and I thanked him with a foolish smile.

 

Another thing, right?

It's just another thing.

And it's just another day beginning...

 

surgery

well, long story short:
went to the doctor on tuesday, after 2 weeks of antibiotics for my throat.
she sent me down to the E.N.T. guy, and he looked in my throat and said:
"oh, that has to come out, this week". 
so, i went in for surgery on thursday.
he took out the growth and most of my left tonsil...
saturday he called, and after a little phonetag i got hold of him.
he said it was cancerous, but he was pretty sure he got all of it out.
i'm not in any pain, and actually feel great.

but, i have to start going in for tests soon.
an interesting twist...
:-/

doublethink...

"he who controls the past, controls the future.  he who controls the present, controls the past" - 1984

 

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/charting-statistical-fraud-bls-22-out-23-consecutive-upward-revisions-initial-jobless-claims

 

Watching BP

it's frightening to see how this BP situation started: washington's blog

and even more sphincter-tightening to listen to Clif from HPH talk about in on Rense...

 

i wonder what the live feeds will show as TS Bonnie comes into play?

:-/

 

is there really a blackout on the gulf disaster?

i see mentioned in this article, that there is now a news blackout on the gulf disaster?

dunno if that's true, but if so, we are in some serious shit.

E.L.E. type stuff maybe?

 

X(

 

no love for the refs.

i suppose all highly visible events get some kind of controversy...

and this worldcup is no exception.

no love for the refs and their difficult job.

 

calls by refs have been making huge impacts in the worldcup games.

usa had it's fair share, or maybe a bit more.

england had it's comeback goal unfairly taken away.

ireland would have qualified, instead of the shameful french.

 

watching these games, it became more than obvious to the world

that the current 1 center, 2 linesmen fifa setup is horribly inadequate.

 

just 1 ref in the booth, with a 5 second replay window to review,

mic'd into the other 3 would fix it.

their sole duty to review and advise, not overrule.

 

hey fifa, get with the technology of the times.

this would help the game, not hinder it.

nor would it make it less beautiful.

 

the beautiful goal

i haven't posted my jubilation on facebook.

i haven't posted here.

i haven't called all my soccer buddies and gloried in the beautiful goal.

 

but, i'm smiling.

:)

 

and my throat hurts a bit...

lol.

Killing the World

so, is it morbidly funny to watch BP bumble thru their handling of the gulf crisis?

 

i guess it is, in the same way watching the Stooges perform openheart surgery on me, live, would be...

somehow, the pres pointing gun fingers at anyone, bothers me.

blame is a useless game.

 

how long will they let the stooges fumble the ball,

before they step in and do something to end this fiasco?

they both are, in fact, killing the world.

 

:-(

belief

there are things, true or not, that it is good to believe in:
honesty, equality, fidelity, self-protection, protecting the weak, resisting tyranny...
these are just some of the concepts that help us to be a good person in our community.
we were given a body, brain, and breath; use them to achieve good things.
we were given a garden to live in; protect it, and make it beautiful.

 

Spill, Baby, Spill

gawd, this looks crazy awful...

might get bigger than The Deez?

 

yikes!

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/apr/29/deepwater-horizon-oil-slick-us-coast

 

what's next?

offbeat ideas running in my head this morning...

 

i'm reading Caribbean, by Michener, currently.

and i'm in the chapters dealing with the sugar trade,

and how battles were fought between France and England over it.

 

prior to sugar, gold & silver made Spain rich.

and the Dutch and English fought with them over those riches.

 

in the recent past, oil has made certain countries rich.

and certain countries have been fighting over those riches.

 

so, what's next?

and who will fight over its control?

:|

 

i'm sure there are other examples of economic wars,

just citing the ones that spurred my thoughts.

 

(oh, and i'm also reading The Dome, by King - no discussion)

market watch? or death watch?

wow, check out this article @ marketwatch:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/mighty-americas-5-stages-of-rapid-decline-2010-04-06?pagenumber=1

 

interesting final line.

;)

 

patients...

my numbering scheme began at zero...

and i think we are up to 4 or 5.

 

and i think i don't wanna track these anymore.

it saddens me. 

:(

 

desperate times are upon us.

: |

 

my heart is aching for the people.

those who are lost and wandering in the wastes.

and those who think it's important to just keep doing their soulless jobs...

 

please remember history and do not rewrite the tragedies.

find the path with heart, brothers and sisters.

 

patient one?

i remember george at urbansurvival.com talking about patient one (zero?) the other day...

don't think he posted about this patient one (2?) yet: john patrick bedell.

:(

 

Yikes! i thought i was pessimistic

dr. doom?  wonder what kindof research this marc faber does?

interesting that he "predicted" the crash of '87, and the current economic turmoil, tho...

 

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/banking_and_finance/article7035913.ece

 

guess i need to do some more reading and practice my doomsayer-ese...

;)

 

where am i? where are you?

is our cellphone tracking us?

yes, it is: http://www.newsweek.com/id/233916

 

of particular note:

...some Michigan cops who, purportedly concerned about a possible "riot,"

pressed another telecom for information on all the cell phones that were

congregating in an area where a labor-union protest was expected.

 

technology is wunderbar, no ?

 

patient zero

interesting comment from george over at urbansurvival.com,
he called joe stack "patient one" of a new epidemic...
( i think he meant patient zero, actually, but i may be wrong )

not sure what to think of the whole media circus show on this.
i know alot of ppl probly share his frustration, if not his anger...
:-/

good words

i liked what the Pres said last night.
but the partisan reaction within the chambers was disappointing.
seems that the career politicians in that room didn't like what was said.

those chambers were filled with a majority of lawyers.
and there are a large number of millionaires within both house & senate.
both of those facts have recently disturbed me.

they are out of touch with We The People.
i hope they know that We Are Watching.
and when they disrespectfully filed out at the end, i got a little pissed.

i'm glad he put the S.C. and the J.C. on the line.
they didn't like it one bit, and i think the judges showed some fear.
the military wouldn't ever show it, even if they were puckering.

the words were good.
what will their effect be?
change? or more of the same?

wake up, ye giants, wake.
:|

what is accomplished ?

ok, this might appear, at first blush, to be a very pessimistic post... it's not.

it's a call to action.

 

first, this is not in any way pointed at anyone who i know, read, or watch on the teevee.

 

now, i ask: what is accomplished by writing a blog?

not much i suppose, if it's simply me being snarky about my life, my work, my neighbors...

but, if i'm entertaining, and i write adequately, that in itself may brighten someones life, somewhere.

that's a good thing, right?  i agree.  it is.

 

but, what if i have greater ambitions?

like, i want to write a book, and not hassle with publishers, and book tours, and such.

that, would be even better, maybe? 

 

and, if i have even more ambition, what if i want to influence a great many people?

that i want my ideas of how to create a wonderful community, and how to build your house to be energy efficient.

or i want everyone to go out and work in their own garden?  or just talk with their neighbors over the fence?

how would i do all that?

would i blog?

i dunno.

 

would you?

 

ok, i admit.  i'm not that ambitious.

but, Buckminster Fuller was...

;)

 

gotcha!

Rainy Monday

it's raining!  the desert flora & fauna rejoice!  it's a holiday!  the office flora & fauna rejoice!
or something, something, something...

yes, i'm happy.  giddy even.
has to do with a wonderful friday evening watching movies.
well, there's lots more to it, but let's just keep it at that...
( to use an eff-word: i'm pheeling phreakin-phantastic )
:)


so, back to the rain.  apparently there are a series of storms coming from el nino.
( george at urbansurvival.com had the link, go see him for it )
this is probly not-so-good news for the rest of the country, but i like it.
of course, it would be perfect to spend a rainy holiday in bed,
but it's just cozy to hang out at the computer, reading blogs, too.

on the international news front: there is all kinds of bad stuff happening.
i'm sure some good things are too, but they don't sell papers, right?
oh wait, nobody even buys newspapers anymore, according to the web pundits.
everyones favorite gynormous-talking-head; sarahpalin; has a new gig too.
she has joined the ranks of pundits as well.  /yawn

so, um, looking over the google news page, i don't see anything else to snark at.
there's some politics, and some movie stuff, and some sports too.
oh, and there is some kinda chocolate corpwar going on, better not affect my supply.
cuz then i know i'm gonna get pissed, and vote with my wallet, or something.

and haiti.
i don't mean to make light of that tragedy.
that's serious.  and sad.  and getting more tragic, serious, and sad daily...
but i can't look at it.
:(


and in closing, a quote on friendship: ( which i think applies to love as well )
Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

peace.

yikers, more doom & gloom? or simply: truth?

this article damaged my calm: http://seekingalpha.com/article/182072-here-comes-the-double-dip-recession

not that i did any fact-checking on it, too shocked...

 

but, yikers!

3 things popped my eyes a bit:

• banks are hiding trillions of dollars of bad debt on their books (and can until sold)
• very little lending was done by banks to strengthen the economy (wasn't there a gov't mandate?)
• the residential mortgage meltdown may just be a trickle to the flood of commercial (still coming)

 

and i'm not even gonna talk about the unemployment numbers, except to say: phantasy.

 

banksters, mortgages, and corpgov, oh my!  ( i might cry )

:(

 

 

yes, Haiti.

heartrenching.  no words.

:'((

 

wanna live a better life?

wow.  it seems that men have been right all along...

seriously! 

 

wanna live a better life?

be happy?  lose weight?  stop smoking?

just have more sex.

 

really!  i swear!

look here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/01/07/sex.health.benefits/

 

so, get busy!

;)

 

twenty ten

2010 - has a nice ring to it, eh?
feels good saying it...

but then i'm having all kinds of good feelings lately.
a kindof bliss has taken hold.

nothing weird.
just wonderful.

:)

already moved mine

i love this idea: move your money...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/move-your-money-a-new-yea_b_406022.html

 

already moved mine.

;)

 

Change

Things are changing, slowly.
It has to be good, right?
Yes, I think so...

And i met someone.
:)

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

today was thanksgiving at my parents house.
it's just one of those typical occurrences in the estranged family lifestyle i live.
basically, my ex had the kids on thanksgiving, and my parents observed and adapted.
i think i had chicken soup and some leftover halloween candy for my thursday dinner.
lol.

but today, thanksgiving.
lots to give thanks for, in my life, in my kids lives, and in my parents lives.
and finally, pie.

you know, i don't know exactly why i blog anymore.
maybe a few friends read this, and see how crazy i'm getting.
i read other peoples blogs for laughs, and to see how their lives are going.
suppose we'll all just be reading facebook pages for life updates soon.
seems to be the trend.

peace.

Maureen Dowd in The Times

i enjoyed this opinion article by Maureen Dowd: Visceral Has Its Value

not sure what to say about it.

 

i suppose it draws a contrast between the simplicity of running a book tour,

the increased complexity of running a campaign,

and the heavy responsibility of running the best country in the world.

 

am i the only who thinks of Palin as the female Dubya?

:-/

 

end#

 

Inspiration

i know i've mentioned Bucky Fuller before, but lately i find myself going to his wikiquote page for inspiration...

such a fantastic mind.

:)

Dreams can be frustrating

Woke up from a dream, a nice dream.
And reality comes to me, slowly...
And I get up with a sigh.

I love visiting with friends in my dreams.

Have a great day!
:)

Bill Maher does NOT want to be "The Vaccine Guy"

funny stuff, insightful too...

"But maybe the immune system doesn't like being tricked so many times. "

:)

 

Bill Maher: Vaccination

 

237 ? - Two Hundred and Thirty Seven ?!?!?

this makes me an angry panda...

 

237 millionaires in Congress

 

more pumpkins!

lol, this is wonderful!

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/baby-eating-pumpkin.html

Hallowe'en

well, this past weekend was Hallowe'en, and also my weekend with my teenagers...

i didn't see them once.  lol.

 

got lots of texts and a couple phonecalls, letting me know they were fine, staying with friends.

handed out a couple of bags of candy myself, that tootsie-roll mix bag.  (only ate like 25 of the fruity ones).

 

but, in celebration of costumes, here is this:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/parenting/detail?entry_id=50788

 

enjoy!

:)

 

Who is John Galt?

Who is John Galt?

This was a slogan, painted and plastered on walls, in Ayn Rands famous (or infamous) book "Atlas Shrugged".
I was impressed by this book, I admit.  But perhaps in other ways than was intended by the author, and
definitely different than those on the so-called "right" are putting it to now.

Today, pundits are screaming about the dreaded "creeping socialism"
and holding up John Galt as their poster-child of the rightness of capitalism. 
Ha!

Very simply, I have always seen John Galt, and those like him, as the Do-ers or creative force,
in our society.  Those who have a love of accomplishing great feats, and being rewarded for such.
Their "enemy" in this society, is the User.  That type of person who looks to profit from others efforts.

In his radio speech, what I felt John said was "I see you, and recognize you, and I won't let you use me anymore".
Capitalism and Socialism are not really that different, in regard to that particular statement.
Both seem to be abused by the users in society.

The answer to the question: Who? - is... You.
Be John Galt.

new simpsons character

welp, i missed it.

there was a contest to submit a new character, and i got excited.

the contest ended on the 24th, bummer.

 

but you get to see my awesometastic entry anyways!  hehehe

:P

 

Simpsons Contest
===========
Character: Allen "Tripper" Albertson
Longlost and semi-hated older brother of "Comic Book Guy" Jeff Albertson.
("Tripper" is from his penchant for long solo trips, aka walkabouts, Jeff hates the nickname)

 

Appearance: Looks exactly like Jeff, with ponytail, but is skinny and taller. 
Wears jeans & flipflops, & computer geekphrase shirts.

 

Behaviour: Upbeat, somewhat happy and goofily well-adjusted.  Contrast to Jeff.

 

Career: Computer programmer/geek (not a hacker), has a "normal" family, ex-wife, 3 kids, 2 dogs.

 

Catchphrase: (stolen from Donald Sutherlands character in Kellys Heroes: Oddball): "always with the negative vibes, Jeff."
- counterpoint to the "worst [noun] ever" catchphrase that CBG Jeff uses.

 

Allen has sought Jeff out, after a very, very long estrangement, begun when Allen belittled the comicbooks that Jeff loved.
Ironically, Allen was the one who got Jeff started on his first comic.  But then "grew out of" that phase of his life.
Childhood reveal of some kinda early nickname for CBG like "The Comic Book Kid" and a painful photo of halloween costume as such.

Homer runs into Jeff and Allen outside of the Quik-E-Mart, with slusheez, while buying Lotto tickets...
They are arguing about something, CBG angrily v. Allen amusedly. 
Both using duelling catchphrases, to illustrate points in their argument.

Pick your poison:
a. Jedi robes vs. Elfin robes
b. Star Wars vs. Star Trek
c. Cherry vs. Mixed (slushee)

 

Toss it all in The Mixer

went to a mixer last night, it was an impromptu get-together of multiple years from my highschool.
not quite a reunion. and i have to say it was a blast.

it was organized kinda thru facebook, where all of us contacted each other, etc.
most of the people i hadn't seen in over 20 years.
some i had seen at my last 2 reunions, but only briefly.

not to get all gushy, but it did my heart good to see all these people together.
wooot!
;)

ha HA !

somehow, what is happening on wall st. reminds me of some old comedy sketch i saw when i was younger...

cannot remember if it was a sat nite live skit, maybe with belushi?

basically, the punchline was:

ha HA !  they bought the feesh! (fish).

 

it's almost like all those ppl involved with the fiasco that was the street when it was crashing

forgot that the gov't stepped in, with taxpayers money, and saved those "too fat to fail".

see this Post article.

 

almost like they were saved from drowning, and then, once on the shore safely,

they say "hey! i was doing fine out there." 

 

hrm, maybe we should push them back in?

 

end#

 

office humor

we were talking about The Office and Office Space the other day, at my office...

 

and one of those involved sent along this link to an article, which was very insightful, especially for this loser.

and of course, we talked a little about unemployment figures, and california.

and an online friend was saying new jersey had it as bad or worse.

and george over at urbansurvival points out how the wars are masking the effect.

and none if this is related to anything very humorous, unless it's gallows humor?

 

moody today.

: |

 

ps. and i read a couple krakouer articles on outside online, and thinking too much...

 

Copper

so, i picked up this little flexy copper bracelet the other day.
not sure at what point during the night it came to mind,
but somehow i had it on my mind, when i was driving to work.
so, i stopped at a walgreens and picked one up.
guess i remembered something like this, about copper pain relief.

after wearing it for a couple days, my knees are feeling a little better.
might be psychosomatic, might be the efficacy of the home remedy. i dunno. :)

my achilles seems to be getting better, with all the sand volleyball i've been playing. and this will be the 3rd week of coaching soccer again, which i'm liking alot. it's crazy how much fun it is, watching these kids learn to love the game i love. really wonderful feeling.

take a look at urbansurvival.com sometime, for the news nobody else is reporting...

Somebody Smack that Kirk Cameron Dooshbag

i dunno, but how can people really push this creationist agenda?
sorry, people, it ain't workin'.
i've seen your pics of adam and eve riding the dinos, yikes!
what the eff are you thinking?

and trying to convince your kids that the founders of this nation,
the ones who finalized and ratified and transmogrified The Constitution,
wanted this to be a christian nation? sheesh. read a book.

a bit of history: yes, there were christians. but they didn't win.
the deists won. they kept this nation free for all religions.
here's a good article: http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/farrell_till/myth.html - read all about it.

good night, and good luck.
;)

strange, yet beautiful

so many strange things this weekend...
coinkydinks, thoughts, etc

went to see '9' with my boys & a couple of their friends yesterday, we ran into my stepsons ex-stepmom.
i just observed while they talked and caught up.  it was strange, and beautiful, at the same time.

went to breakfast this morning, talked with the waitresses, all of whom i enjoy.
small but strange coincidences in our conversations.
maybe i am the only one they occurred for, but all good.

read a friends blog, she mentions vibram-five-fingers, and posts a pic.
i happened to buy a pair of these last month.  (i love them)

also, my twins share a birthday with one of her sons,
which we might've talked about, but i don't quite recall.

if my knees quit hurting, i might go play volleyball later.
go outside and play today.
facebook is the devil.

Lobbying Disclosure website

was thinking about this, this morning, on my drive in...
http://lobbyingdisclosure.house.gov/

oh, and google has a cool little banner for 09/09/09-09:09:09
check it out...
:)

townhalls

so, it's "unamerican" to express your dissatisfaction with the government now?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,538885,00.html
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2009/08/town-hall-mobs-attack-health-care-democracy-in-action-or-unamerican.html
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/08/white-house-disputes-pelosi-contention-that-town-hall-protests-are-un-american.html

i thought that freedom of speech was part of the first amendment?
maybe pelosi and hoyer need a refresher?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_of_speech

do they really think they can spin this kinda crap?
washington, in general, has been ignoring "we the people" for some time.
perhaps the townhall reactions are just a small indicator of the level of our discontent?
hint: it's not just healthcare, lady.

perhaps it's just a very small taste...
>:(

oh i love this quote!

"And don't forget to use process! When you get your next property tax revaluation notice and some tin-horn bunglecrat says your home has gone up in price, demand a reduction in valuation since the S&P/Case-Schiller report implies that home prices are down nationally over 30% in the past couple of years.  The sword can cut both ways."

 

:)

 

i like this idea...

whatcha think?
http://www.reuters.com/article/smallBusinessNews/idUSTRE5660N620090708

First they came...

a poem, to not forget: First they came...


In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
And then... they came for me... And by that time there was no one left to speak up.


- Pastor Martin Niemöller

Indian CEO Says Most US Tech Grads "Unemployable"

sorry to interject my workplace opinion into this, but FUCK THAT NOISE !
http://news.slashdot.org/story/09/06/22/0019233/Indian-CEO-Says-Most-US-Tech-Grads-Unemployable?art_pos=21

i work in the tech world, and IMHO, this is total bullshit.
- how many times have i had to deal with H1Bs who have a "language barrier"?  uncountable.
- how many times have i encountered a US tech grad with a "language barrier"?  zero.
- how many times have i encountered H1Bs with falsified info on their resume?  maybe 50 times.
- how many times have i encountered US grads with falsified info on their resume?  maybe 5.
- and how many fucking times have i been told "it works perfectly", AND IT FUCKING DOESN'T?  too many.

this really gets me into full-rant mode.
personally, i won't phone-screen, interview, or hire another H1B ever.
i don't care if s/he's got PhDs, patents, articles, whatever.
they can't deliver?
fuck em.

oh ya, i HATE debugging their steamingpilesofcrap code, too.

Congressional Health Care Benefits

i've been concerned with health care & benefits lately...

basically, becuz i'm struggling with the HR & Benefits department at my own workplace.
my frustration and anger are peaked by this kinda thing: Health Care for U.S. Congress.

look how nice their package sounds: FEHBP
and apparently 75% is paid by you & I...

cool, huh?
X(

Time is up

I hope this article, or it's intent, is true:
The Private Health Industry's Time is up.
I really do...

My last few experiences at the doctors office have shown me,
that their hands and tied, and smacked, and twisted, too.
The relief in their eyes, when I ask if I can pay cash,
or do a payment plan, thru them, is palpable.

That the insurance and pharmaceutical industries, have any power, is sickening.
They aren't ambulance chasers.
They are misery makers.

Decomposing Plastic

Teen Decomposes Plastic Bag in Three Months

awesome! 

seen on the whiteboard where i bought my new bike

To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
- Anatole France
French novelist (1844 - 1924)

synchronicity

not sure if i've mentioned synchronicity lately?
but, it happens alot to me...

here are a couple of links:
http://www.carl-jung.net/synchronicity.html
and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity

enjoy!